Thank you for your service

People are usually surprised when they find out my husband Phil is a veteran. (A sergeant of the 4th infantry division, 4th brigade, to be exact.) I'm not sure if this is because Jewish boys from Queens don't generally join the military or if Phil and his hipster glasses and talent for building elaborate Magnatile structures don't give off a military-man vibe, or both.

People are even more surprised when they find out that Phil deployed to Iraq in 2003 as one of the first waves of American troops. On our second date, Phil charmed me by talking about the essential inflatable pillow he had packed for his tent. If you want to see Phil get animated about his service, ask him about (1) what it's like to shower in the Iraqi desert, (2) the time his fellow soldier wouldn't share her bread machine or (3) how conditions for deployed soldiers evolved since the early days (Phil thinks they got more "plush" because he and his guys were the ones who actually dug the holes).

I have a vivid memory of being in my sophomore dorm room at Brandeis in 2003 when the U.S. invaded Iraq. At our wedding, we played a slideshow of photographs from our childhoods that included the phrase "Phil went to Iraq...Rachel went to Brandeis."

I didn't know Phil while he was in the Army. In fact, Phil likes to say that he could have seen himself in a military career for life but that the reason he left the service was that he didn't think he'd be able to meet a nice Jewish girl.

Phil and I have been together for almost 12 years, which means I have spent almost 12 years trying to understand his motivation for joining the Army at age 18. I've landed somewhere between "he has a strong moral compass, unwavering commitment to duty and high tolerance for pain" and "he played with G.I. Joes a lot as a kid."

Every year on Veterans Day, Phil and his Army buddies go around changing their Facebook profile pictures to pictures of them in the service.

They also get told, "Thank you for your service," which is a phrase Phil has never liked. I asked him why and he said he finds it "patronizing."

"You can thank me for my service by giving veterans decent health care and support services," he said. "Go to a VA hospital and spend some time in the waiting room and then thank me for my service."

I wouldn't ordinarily say military guys are my "type," but that attitude is a total turn-on.

So if you want to thank Phil for his service this Veterans Day, consider making a donation to Team RWB or Hope for the Warriors.

Thanks for your service, Phil. Eli and I are proud of you.

(And if anyone has any connections to get Phil recognized by the Mets as the Welcome Back Veteran of the Game, which I have been trying to figure out how to do for years, please be in touch.)